The Boob Statue

Within two weeks of taking over the newly founded Globo-Warriors, Cuckler had doubled their budget, improved intern attendance, and generally impressed everyone with a remarkable capacity to get things done. Bright and early on a Monday morning, Proctor came into work amazed to see several interns already busily folding the new pamphlets: ‘Sierra Club: Are there better places you could be donating your money?’ Frieda was chewing on a pen while she studied a budget print-out which was covered in her notes. From over her shoulder Proctor could spy only question marks and circled numbers. “I’m not just complaining that we’re getting funds for extremely grey area Federal sponsorship, Proctor. Look, he took out a tax break by listing the office as both a residency and place of business. What are we going to do if someone comes here looking to see who ‘L.B. Jeffries’ is and why does he live at the Globo-Warrior residency? And the expenses are just as weird! Why is there a 5,000 dollar deduction for ‘Masonry’? He even used a Federal Grant for the Arts to pay off most of it,” Frieda said. Proctor shrugged and was about to say something when an intern neither of them had ever seen before appeared. “You dudes talking about the new statue in the bathroom? It’s fucking awesome bro! Just got installed this weekend,” the intern said. There was an awkward moment while Proctor stood a bit dumbfounded before he finally asked who the kid was. “Name’s Alan, bro. Delta Iota Kappa for life! Got this gig as part of my community service for public intoxication,” explained Alan while he made an inappropriate gesture with his tongue. Proctor marched straight into the bathroom and to his surprise did indeed find a new addition to the bathroom. A life size replica of a woman’s face and chest had been positioned right next to the toilet. The rest of her body was merged into the wall but from the way it was placed a guy of average height would be able to grasp her chest and nipple firmly. Proctor was stunned. He marched out of the bathroom to go talk to Cuckler but found him walking right into the bathroom as he was walking out, “Cuckler! If this is what all the money you’re sneaking around with is for then you can just…I mean, are you insane? Is that where all the money is going?” Cuckler’s eyes narrowed and the jowls of his face seemed to quiver a moment while he stared Proctor directly in the eye. He didn’t talk while Proctor yelled, didn’t do anything except look, but somehow Proctor suddenly felt like Cuckler was going to eat him alive. For just a moment Proctor’s mind reeled from the sensation of dominance. Before Proctor could say anything, Cuckler’s face changed again. “I’m glad you asked, Buddy. We’re going to be having our new and sure to be successful fund raiser this weekend. All the money is going towards getting a real sound system and band. Was there anything else?” Proctor shook his head and Cuckler gave him a pat on the shoulder before going into the bathroom.