Hitting Little Girls

The rally was an enormous success. Chuck Norris’s sperm, once all the funds and costs were accounted, netted the Globo Warriors half a million dollars. It was the most successful fundraiser held by a liberal activist movement that year and immediately ranked in the top ten. When Frieda and Proctor came into work on Monday the phones were already blowing off the hooks. The Governor called to congratulate Cuckler on finally turning things around. Did he want to do lunch sometime? A senator rang in to ask if he might be able to help out with any new projects. Proctor checked the website’s stats and saw that the Globo Warrior hit count had quadrupled since the rally. “Well, we’re rich and popular. Now what?” Proctor muttered. Cuckler staggered in an hour late with an ice pack on his head and an annoyed look on his face. “No calls and no visitors,” he said. This wasn’t unusual for Cuckler in the morning, who usually devoted that time to watching T.V. and reading the paper. He took a mint from Frieda’s candy dish and slammed the door behind him. For several minutes business continued as usual in the office. At the sound of a clearly faked cough, Proctor looked up to see Bordex and a crying little girl. Although it didn’t shock Proctor that the head of the G.W.C.M. had made a child cry, what was surprising was that Bordex had taken her to their offices to display it. “I was coming by here to discuss this little piece I found outside the Alpine Coffee Hut,” Bordex said as he threw down a pamphlet entitled ‘Ten Things the Global Warming Cessation Movement Lies About’. “But on the way over, I had the misfortune to see what I’m assuming was your Boss, Cuckler, run this poor little girl off the road on her bike,” Bordex said. Upon hearing the part about herself, the small girl began to cry more hysterically than ever. Frieda jumped up and took the girl to her desk, offering her a mint and some water. Bordex simply stood there, arms crossed, with a slight grin on his face. Proctor stood uncertain for a moment, despising both Bordex but not wanting to bother Cuckler either. Finally, he walked over and knocked on the door to Cuckler’s office. “I said no visitors!” Cuckler’s voice boomed. “Uh, sir, Bordex is here and he has a little girl that he says you ran off the road in your car. I think you should come out here,” Proctor said. Cuckler opened the door and immediately glared at Bordex. “She was practically in the damned road. Besides, she fell in the bushes. What’s the big deal?” Cuckler said. Even Bordex was stunned that one.