Hobart's E-mail

I suppose you are wondering why I did it. Why I dosed myself up on some crazy drugs to try and run my advocacy group better. Back in the days when I still worked for the pharmaceutical industry, I had to sit in on Congressional hearings before speaking on behalf of my own industry. While waiting for my turn to speak, a bill was being wrapped up. It was on allocating Federal Funding for more school buses, so kids in a wider district could attend better schools. I hardly even paid attention because at first I figured everyone would just vote ‘aye’ and move on. And yet the Bill did not pass. I stared at the stern, grey haired senators as they numbly doodled into their pads while the liberal people pleaded to pass the bill. I’d later find out that those against it were looking out for their own projects. Promised votes to constituents who had helped them get elected. At first, I was horrified at that kind of power. But as my own frustrations grew while running my own advocacy group, I kept thinking how amazing it’d be if someone could just guide that power in the right direction. Using a combination of anti-depressants and ADD medication, I was able to create a drug that simulated the degree of focus, emotional distance and distrust that enabled me to think conservatively. There were some curious side effects: binge eating and irrational aggression, among others. I adopted my new identity with the aid of my gained weight initially to just help get some Federal Funding. But as I dosed on the drug more and more, I found a sort of freedom. An ability to really and truly say that nothing else mattered except stopping global warming. To say it was some dark, malevolent half of my personality would be a lie. The drugs opened up a part of me that I thought didn’t exist, a part of me that I even grew to like. There were not two men in one body, but rather one man with two bodies. The pills did affect my judgment to such a degree that while on the conservative drug I could not convince myself to take the liberal ones. I sent the package with the pills in one of my moments of lucidness, before I got swallowed up in the paranoia and confidence that I could fix everything that was Cuckler’s mindset. But even that attempt at fixing things seems to have been poorly judged. I wanted to be conservative to save the planet just as much as I wanted to be liberal to save the planet.